wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
