hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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