people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
