My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
