thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
