Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
