You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
