don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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