just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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