Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I could fuck to npr.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
