i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
