Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
