Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
