I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
