eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
