Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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