yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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