im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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