this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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