I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
