he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
