why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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