Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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