You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
