Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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