we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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