spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
