Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
