Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
