i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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