I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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