im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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