I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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