This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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