I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He felt like a one man threesome
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
