I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
