Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
