i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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