I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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