i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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