I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
