When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
