Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
