THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
