Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
