just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are the jesus of drinking
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
