i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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