I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
