She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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