it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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