Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Two words: blizzard sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
