Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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